On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
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