Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i came on her dog
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
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