dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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