I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
i think i just lost a toe
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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