Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I would fuck him just for his dog
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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