She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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