PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
