I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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