I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
