he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
