I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
