How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
