apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
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