I can tuck mytits in my pants
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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