My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
