if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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