My hand turned me down
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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