I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
