Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
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