My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize