Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize