Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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