I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
