just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
