I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
love makes seman taste better
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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