are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize