Non-Jews are for practice
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Thank you for not boning my boss.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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