Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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