I'm pants shitting drunk right now
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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