At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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