so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
