like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
