YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I am one with the molecules
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
