Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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