ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
