I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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