If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
