youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
