I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
