I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
