We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
