you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize