I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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