FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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