we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
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