I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I've blown a few things in my day
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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