Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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