YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
