he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
