Got a toothbrush?
Porn is love you can see.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
