bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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