Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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