If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
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