I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i jhust puked up my retainher.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Randomize