maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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