I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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