If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
