I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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