I bet he comes in French.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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