Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
