No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
