The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
