just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
