I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
