its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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