im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
