i just wanna soil my oats bro
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
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