He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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