Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
