Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
