Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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