Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
